Right now we’re going to take a good hard look at it – together.  What was going through your mind? What are the automatic thoughts that you have when 10 PM rolls around? Write a few down and estimate your belief in each thought (0-100%).

For example:

“I don’t want to go to work tomorrow.  I’m probably next to get the pink slip.”

Belief in my automatic thought: 90%

Now let’s take a step back and suggest a rational way to talk back to that nasty thought. If it makes it easier, pretend you are talking to a friend and not yourself.

How about this?

“I know you don’t want to go to work tomorrow but considering you just did well on your latest performance appraisal and got assigned an important project, it’s not so likely they’re going to fire you tomorrow.”

Belief in rational response: 65%

Now how much do you believe you will get fired tomorrow? It’s probably not as high as your original 90%, is it? And how anxious do you feel now? Has your breathing started to slow down a bit?

This exercise is one that you can use in many distressing moments. Think of it as talking back to your negative, unrealistic self. It takes practice to start correcting your negatively skewed thoughts and to replace them with more even-handed ones, but it works.  You may find it is similar to conversations you have with friends when one is calming the other down and trying to bring some realism into the picture.

Try it tonight. Instead of letting your mind run away with itself, challenge it to be realistic and to look at the evidence for what you’re fearing. Watch the intensity of your emotions subside and your mind slow down. Take a deep breath and smile at the way our minds can jump to conclusions. Relax knowing that you are in charge.

Sweet Dreams.

How ever you spend your Sunday night, for many of us, our Sunday night ritual could use a little makeover.  Many people are spending lots of time and energy worrying about the economy, their bank accounts and how they will pay their next bill.  Some are even feeling helpless and depressed as they go to a job they hate but can’t leave.

The Sunday night ritual is completely understandable- even when it runs into Monday night and beyond.  Lately turning on the TV, opening the paper, surfing the web, talking to friends (in person or virtually), and even going to a bar can knock you off your feet- and not in a good way.  We are inundated with breaking (and not so breaking) news about the state of our economy and it seems to be all people talk about.  Even the latest discussion about the health care plan reverts back to a discussion about how much it will cost us.  It seems that the phrase “that’s not something we can afford now” fits into almost any conversation with almost anyone these days! Although I am quite pleased to see the shift where talking about your money is becoming less taboo, this Sunday night ritual, complete with aches, pains, and “pills”, has got to stop!

First, let’s consider why the ritual exists. What does the Sunday night ritual accomplish? For some people, it may serve as a distraction from thinking about something that is worrying you even more than bills. For others, it may simply provide a routine for your unstructured Sunday night? It may be something that developed over such a long time you can’t even remember not doing it and can’t figure out why you keep doing it. Some people might say the ritual prepares them for the week of work and stress ahead.

After you have made an educated guess as to why you maintain your Sunday night ritual, I’d like you to close your eyes for just a second and imagine it now. What do you feel and where in your body do you feel it? Most importantly do you feel relaxed, focused, and energized imagining yourself in your Sunday night? Or are you shoulders hunched up near your ears, are there butterflies in your stomach, are you sweating? Do you just want to open your eyes and stop pretending it’s Sunday night? I asked you this because it’s important to recognize how Sunday night makes you feel and think- instead of just going through it week after week wishing for Friday. If you had mainly positive or  generally relaxed feelings and thoughts while doing this exercise, great!

For the rest of you, it’s time to start opening your eyes. You don’t have to keep up your Sunday night ritual- you don’t have to dread Mondays! You do need to take notice of what you were feeling physically and emotionally and what thoughts popped in your head so we can turn your ritual into a much anticipated and even treasured moment in your week. So tonight tune in to how you’re spending your time before bed, what you’re feeling physically and emotionally, and what thoughts are going round and round in your head. Jot down your impressions in a notebook by your bed or send yourself an email (for those of you who forgot what a spiral-bound notebook is!).  Come back to visit my blog next Sunday to learn the next step in transforming your sickening Sunday night ritual into something sweet!